Some Thoughts on Lindsay Lohan

If you are like me, you probably get tired of being constantly bombarded by images from Hollywood. It's hard to even check my e-mail with out seeing half a dozen pictures of some one's latest plastic surgery, reading a headline about a once beloved child actor who is back in rehab for the third time or learning about how much money a certain actor owes the IRS. Television, the radio and even the billboards I pass on the way to work are also filled with the same information.

Because we are surrounded by so many "spicy" details and gossip on a daily basis, for many people nothing is really shocking anymore. I have noticed for me personally that it is easy to become not only indifferent, but also somewhat critical of the lives of some of these Hollywood stars. Like many, I have been aware of some of the unfortunate events in the life of Lindsay Lohan.

In case you are not familiar, Lindsay Lohan has been the stereotypical "child star." She was an adorable actress as a kid, but as she grew, her life began to spiral out of control. She has struggled with substance abuse, an eating disorder and multiple family issues. Most recently she has been sentenced to spend some time in jail because she has repeatedly violated her parole and missed court dates stemming from her substance abuse struggles. Just before she was sentenced to jail, I found myself being very critical of her. Secretly I have been happy that she has been in trouble. After all, "this is what she gets, right? She has had more opportunities than many kids will ever get, and she threw it all away. She has made more money than most of us will ever have and she has wasted it on drugs and partying."

I hate to say it, but those thoughts really were going through my mind. When I heard recently that Lindsay had been sentenced to jail, I felt the Lord's compassion for her, and I began to realize how different His heart toward her is from mine. While it is true that she has made some big mistakes and may not seem to appreciate the opportunities she has had, she is still very precious to the Lord. She may feel that she is above the law and openly shown disregard for her parole, but I believe the Lord's heart is truly broken for Lindsay, just as His heart breaks for all the young ladies who find themselves in similar situations.

Whether a person is a world famous Hollywood actor or a little known girl from a rough inner city neighborhood, they have been created by the Lord and they are very close to His heart. He destined them to great things before they were ever born, even though many may never properly esteem His purpose for them. Any time a life is wasted, it is a tragedy. Because the Lord deeply cares for all of us, the enemy desires to destroy us. He may not take our lives physically, but he will do all he can to trip us up and enslave us in self-destructive patterns. Right now Lindsay is caught in these types of patterns. When we read the headlines and see a life that is being destroyed, our first response should be to pray for them. Lindsay may be at a place where jail is the best thing for her, but we should pray that she finds the Lord in a greater way through it all. She has made some choices that she will undoubtedly regret, and her life is a mess. This is tragic, but her story doesn't have to end here, and it doesn't have to continue on the same path. The Lord can still redeem her life, and I believe He wants to do so. We should want the same thing and participate with Him by praying that He will.

Songs that Voices Never Share

A while back I posted a little note called "The Cardinal in the Wood." That particular post is one of my personal favorites so far, and I am writing this post as kind of a sequel to it. Recently, more or less by accident, I rediscovered the music of Simon and Garfunkel. I say "rediscovered" because my dad used to listen to them when I was little, but hearing them at 31 years old is a little bit different than hearing them at 6 years old. As I listened I remembered many of the songs from being in my dad's truck on the way to take off the trash or go fishing, but this time I was able to really hear and understand the lyrics. I have become a fan all over again.

I have been walking around the house singing "The Boxer" for the past couple of weeks, and that is just about to drive Nicole crazy. :) But this is not a plug for Simon and Garfunkel, and beyond just being entertaining, some of the lyrics have really been inspiring and thought provoking. If you are not familiar, let me share some lyrics from one of their songs. The song "The Sound of Silence" talks about the lack of emotional connection between people as many of us become so busy going through the motions of life and not really taking the time to get to know each other and let ourselves be known.

The singer is talking about a dream he had in which he saw masses of people, and here is how he descibed them: " . . . people talking without speaking, people hearing without listening, people writing songs that voices never shared: no one dared disturb the sound of silence." I heard this and began to think about some of these songs that we will never hear. I began to wonder how many of those songs have been born and then died inside of me. Obviously the word "songs" in this case means more than just songs. They could be songs, but they could also be ideas, poems, books, a conversation with our spouse or even just an encouraging word to the guy standing behind us in line at Starbucks.

I know it might sound cliche', but there really are "songs" inside you that are not inside anybody else. There are "songs" inside me that nobody else could ever write. If you and I don't share these, who will? About 11 years ago and bought a mandolin and have been learning to play ever since. I have written a handful of songs, and that's probably news to most of the people who might be reading this. That's because I've rarely shared them. I will probably never make a CD or have a song on the radio, but that's not what's important. The important thing is that I share them. What kind of songs are inside of you? I'm going to set a personal goal to start sharing mine . . . what are you going to do with yours?

What Are We Waiting For?

A couple of weeks ago Nicole and I took Ava to the beach for the week. Despite being very hot, we had a wonderful time and were able to relax and enjoy some time doing just about nothing. It was Ava's first time playing in the ocean, and I'll never forget her expression when she first looked out and saw all that water in one place. Her little eyes got so big and she gasped as she took it all in. She loves sand and had a great time feeling it between her toes and watching daddy build sand castles for her to run over and knock down. Thankfully she didn't eat any sand, which came as a surprise to Nicole and me. She loves to eat the sand in her sandbox, so we thought for sure she'd have a feast sitting on the shore.

It took her a little while to become comfortable enough to wade out a little bit into the tide. However, after a while she would let me carry her into water that was up to my waist. She would get so excited when a wave would come toward us, and she would scream and laugh as it rolled over us. Nicole is almost 9 months pregnant with our next little girl, so she spent most of the time sitting back and watching us play in the water. However, there was one time when she and Ava were walking along the shoreline just close enough to the water that their feet would get wet when the tide came all the way in, and something happened that reminded me of why I named this blog "Further In."

I was out in the water by myself swimming a little bit and enjoying the waves. After a while, Ava began to look for me, so Nicole pointed out in the water to where I was. As Ava scanned the horizon trying to spot me, she began to walk out into the water until it was about ankle deep. I waved my hand so she could find me, and then one of the sweetest things ever happened: when she saw me and realized that it really was me, she let go of Nicole's hand and began to charge out into the water. She lost all sight of the waves and didn't care that the water would soon be over her head - she was coming to her daddy! For me it was one of those times when you just feel like the most blessed person on earth. Here is this precious little person who is so full of innocence and purity, and she loves me more than any other man in the world. She knows that her daddy will meet her halfway and pick her up and take her back out to where the big waves are. She can relax in his arms as those waves rush over us and we both become totally enveloped in all this water that stretches farther than her little eyes can see.

What she doesn't know is that her daddy enjoys those moments as much as she does. He gets to share this moment with her that will never come again in quite the same way. For those moments she's all mine and there is nowhere else she'd rather be. There is also nowhere else I'd rather be. I cherish those times more than she'll know until she has kids of her own, and I look forward to many more years of making memories like that one. When I saw her charging toward me, I also couldn't help but picture our Father standing in the deep and watching us venture further in . . . He is waiting for us and I know He enjoys those times even more than we do . . . what are we waiting for?

Recognizing a Pattern

Those of you who are parents know how much we can learn from our children. When Nicole and I found out we were going to have Ava, I kind of imagined a new apple growing on our family tree. However, since she has been born, I have realized that our tree has grown an entirely new branch! It is such a privilege to be able to experience first hand her little personality as it develops and the temperament and characteristics she is growing to possess. It is funny at times to get to see the little quirks of human nature that all of us have as they begin to surface in the personality of this little person. Seeing these has helped me to understand myself so much better.

When we first brought Ava home from the hospital, she weighed roughly 5 lbs. She had been born about six weeks early, but she was doing well and growing fast. Because she was so small, we had to feed her every three hours whether or not she seemed hungry. I can remember many nights having to wake her up at 3:00 a.m. to change her and feed her, and there were quite a few times when she seemed more content to sleep and was upset with me for waking her up. Just about every night it was the same. Before I would wake her up, I would go get her bottle ready and place it in the bottle warmer. While it was warming I would go wake her up. As soon as I picked her up she began to cry. She would be upset because she wanted to go back to sleep and she was hungry. Before I would feed her I would change her diaper, which normally made her cry more. Not only is she tired and hungry, but now she is also feels cold and uncovered.

She was mad at me because she was sleeping comfortably in her nice warm bed, and then I came along, woke her up and stripped her of her clothes. Little did she know that I already had her food warming up in the next room and she would soon be back in her soft bed wearing a fresh, clean diaper. To her this was all a big inconvenience, but in reality, I was doing what was best for her. As the weeks passed, it was still the same night after night. After all that time of going through the exact same thing, she still did not seem to understand that her warm bottle would be waiting as soon as her diaper was changed. After she finished eating I would burp her and place her back in her comfortable crib. Through all of this, I began to notice a pattern . . . but it was not with Ava - it was with me.

I looked back in my life and saw many examples of the Lord doing what was best for me, and I responded more like an infant than I did an adult. He would begin to shake me out of my comfort zone and I would cry out because I wanted to stay warm and cozy. He would begin to strip away my defenses and clean up my mess, and I would complain because that season wasn't very enjoyable. I would grumble and gripe that everyone else is being blessed and I have all this pressure. You would think after a while I would begin to understand that these seasons all have the same outcome: I always end up better off than I was before. Just as Ava would lie there and possibly think: "Am I going to be cold and hungry forever?!" I have often wondered: "Are things ever going to get better? How is this going to end?" Even though Ava could not see the bottle that was just a few feet from her and would soon be hers to enjoy, I still had everything covered. Even though we cannot always see the outcome of our unpleasant and uncertain seasons, we can rest assured that our Father has everything taken care of, and everything will work out just in time.

Prelude to a Kiss

Last week Nicole and I had to take Ava to the doctor. As usual, we spent a good while in the waiting room before it was our turn to see the doctor. There were quite a few people in the waiting room that day, and Ava made her way over to play with a little boy not too far from us. The little boy was a couple of years older than Ava, and incidently he was African American. This little man was quite the gentleman. He obvioulsy understood that Ava was younger than himself, and he was very gracioulsy sharing his toys.

We watched them play for a while and chatted some with the boy's mom. As I watched the two beautiful kids interact, I couldn't help but wonder what Ava thinks about differences in skin color. She is too young to have any prejudices or stereotypes, but surely she must look around at a group of people and notice differences in hair color, skin tone and maybe even accents. What about the little boy? What does he think when he notices differences? As the two continued to play, I may have gotten my answer. The two were playing and having a great time together. All of a sudden, out of the blue, Ava leaned up to give the little boy a kiss. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. If she tries to kiss random boys a few years from now, we might just have a problem :) but this was one of the most innocent displays of love and affection that I have ever been blessed to witness.

I don't know anything about that sweet little boy or his family, apart from those few minutes in that waiting room. However, since that time, I have thought quite a bit about what Ava must have been thinking. She was expressing her love freely, in spite of any differences in race, social class or even the reason he was going to see the doctor. How things change for the worse as people grow! No wonder Jesus told a group of adults that they would have to become like children if they truly wanted to enter His kingdom. I have never ceased to be amazed at what I can learn from children, most of all my own. I think I'll share some more of the lessons the Lord has hand picked for me that have come through my precious daughter. Stay tuned . . .